Cousin dearest (Monica) and I went to see a family friend, who also happens to be a Chinese fortune teller kind of thing. So fortunately, I found out that I don't really have to worry about anything since whatever I end up doing, I will be fine (I hate it when they tell me that). It seems to be the case with every fortune teller I've ever met. It makes me a little uncomfortable in the sense that I don't even have a fucking clue about what it is that I'm doing or will be doing. It worries me since it seems like if I'm suppose to be successful, shouldn't I be on a path to find out or at least have a clue about what it is that I want to be doing rather than sitting on my ass infront of a computer and writing a blog about it? The way Prof. Wang described me was that I am a big piece of strong wood that is calmly floating on a lake. In other words, I'm very calm and very grounded, but in turn, it makes me a little lazy and not performing at the level that I can be at.
I would have to agree with the last statement that he made. I've been feeling really uneasy lately I think mostly because I'm really feeling a sense of goodbye happening soon. The feeling keeps getting stronger and I'm really thinking that I will be leaving soon. There is a calling for me elsewhere. Perhaps the answers and the signs will be clearer as the time for me to leave approaches. I don't want to leave but I do. I do really believe that a part of me is wanting to leave because I need to be away from Big. Regardless of whether or not he is in my life anymore, the thought of him haunts me. I want to get away from that. I want to get new perspectives. But I don't want to leave because Vancouver is home and my secondary families are here, too. I don't know, lately, it's been about the move and the going away. I've been incredibly sad for no purpose and no particular reasons and I can't seem to pin point why.
Just taking it slow and one day at a time. Fortunately, I'm not anxious or anything, rather chill compared to what I thought I would be like in situations like these. It'll all work out and I'll find the way eventually. In a way, I believe that deep down inside me, I know that no matter what I do, I'll be all right. I guess this piece of wood is just chilling for now.... stay tune for where this piece of wood is going
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of course you'll be fine. go out, explore, experience. the world is your oyster, and we'll always have vancouver.
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